Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
