went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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