There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
