If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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