I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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