nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
