Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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