what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
