Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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