Can Purell be used as lube?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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