Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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