Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
