Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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