i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
