Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I take back everything I said about communal showers
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
