Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
