then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
