I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
