Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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