I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
