gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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