My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
