mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
