just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
