It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
