It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
