My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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