for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
