farters have to be the big spoon...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
