for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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