I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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