On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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