Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
