life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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