this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
