I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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