Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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