Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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