We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
