1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
