Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
