I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
