my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
