ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
