i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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