I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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