How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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