drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
