i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
