last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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