Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
