Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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