Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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