We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
