I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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