so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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