I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
