friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
