If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
