sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
