yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
