I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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