I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My balls are so social today.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
