i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
