OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
