Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
