no, he came in my armpit
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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