As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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